


What We Started

by ifyouloveme_letmebinge



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 15x18, 15x18 supernatural, Castiel Loves Dean Winchester, Castiel in the Empty (Supernatural), Dean Winchester Hates Himself, Dean Winchester Loves Castiel, Destiel - Freeform, Destiel Angst, Destiel goodbye, Episode: s04e01 Lazarus Rising, Fix-it fic, I cried while writing this, I dream of Casdean, M/M, Prediction Fic, Season 15 of Supernatural, The author is emotionally unstable over Destiel, and, but - Freeform, canon destiel, castiel - Freeform, dONT TOUCH ME, fic inspired by a dream, no beta we die like castiel, references, the Empty is mean, we been knew
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-06
Updated: 2020-11-06
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:19:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,970
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27422593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ifyouloveme_letmebinge/pseuds/ifyouloveme_letmebinge
Summary: Castiel has reached the end of his road.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Kudos: 55





	What We Started

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Castiel](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Castiel/gifts).



> Heya! 
> 
> Here’s the deal with this little fic: I had a dream last night (11/5) about THAT scene in which Cas presumably dies in 15x18 because I’ve been thinking about it since S15 started to be honest. I wrote it all within 3 hours in the morning of 11/6 because I didn’t want to forget it.  
> *I had not watched 15x18 by the time I wrote this*  
> It’s truly just my take on how I think it’s going/should go down in the episode, completely unfiltered and unbiased.  
> This has very minimal editing, and very rough sentence structure so please forgive me LOL 
> 
> This is for Cas. I wanted to give him the send off he deserved, in my terms. Because he’s one of the best characters I’ve ever met and I’m truly grateful for him. I could never put it into words. So this will have to do. 
> 
> Thank you, Cas. And thank you for reading if you do, I hope you cry like I did writing it.
> 
> *highly suggest you read with Can’t Help Falling in Love on repeat 4 times for full emotional effect*

They were standing, a few feet apart, opposite each other, like they always did. Like they started. 

Like every time the world was falling apart they always faced the other; because if it  _ did _ , if the planet was on fire, they were going to be each other’s last sight. 

Billie was down the hall. Or she was across the country. It didn’t matter. Time was running out, and Death was here to collect. 

Castiel, the fallen angel with a crack in his chassis, and Dean Winchester, the man chosen and controlled by God, had burst into the dungeon in the men of letters bunker a few seconds before. 

Dean was still clutching his side, the hit he took earlier in the fight still sent streaks of unbelievable pain through his abdomen. Castiel had held onto him, and carried him, and  _ saved him _ , like he always seemed to do. 

His right hand was covered in Dean’s blood from when he tried healing him earlier, but was interrupted. The crimson sight made Castiel sick. 

“The shelves,” Dean rasped, looking around. 

Castiel simply nodded and raised his hand to shift them in the direction of the door. Books and paper and files flew out and spewed on the ground with the harsh movement but they were the least of their worries when the enemy was closing in. 

Castiel then turned his attention to Dean, “Let me—“ 

“No,” Dean raised the opposite hand that wasn’t holding his torn skin together, halting Castiel, whose facial expression immediately darkened at the stubbornness of the man in front of him, “you need to save your power if that bitch gets in here. You can’t waste it on me.” 

“ _ Dean—“  _

“ _ Cas—“  _

“Let me heal you. We can beat her,  _ together.  _ But you need to let me  _ heal you,”  _ Castiel tried gruffly, fisting his hands in frustration. 

Dean shook his head in denial, “No, we have no time, we need a banishing spell or—or something to get us out of here, something to give us more  _ time!”  _

Castiel closed the distance between them, pulling Dean's jacket with his clean hand, bringing their faces inches apart, “Stop being  _ stubborn _ . Let me—“ 

“Cas,  _ no—“  _ But Castiel had already brought his bloody hand to press against Dean, who hissed at the contact, pain multiplying and making him see spots in his vision. Castiel’s eyes had never looked so blue. They lit up in blinding hues. 

Dean whined slightly in frustration when he saw a bright light between them out of the corner of his eye. Castiel was healing him, he was using the very last reserve of his power to heal  _ him  _ and he didn’t deserve it one bit. 

“Cas, please…” he begged in a whisper. Castiel averted his eyes down to watch his work, jaw clenched and nostrils flared a little. He was feeling weaker by the second, sweat forming in his hairline from the strain. 

When it was done, he gasped out and let go of Dean, who patted the now perfectly healed spot in his bloody flannel. He felt an arduous anger rise in his chest. 

Green eyes on fire, he looked at his friend again, “Why the  _ hell _ would you do that? I told you not to Cas!” 

A clatter outside. A  _ boom-bang  _ sound made Dean’s head turn to the door, panic closing up his throat. 

Castiel stared at Dean's Jacket, at the bloody cover for the skin he had just healed. 

He thought about the many _ , many  _ times he had healed Dean like this. He went through every single interaction they’d ever had, fresh as the minute it happened in his mind thanks to his celestial memory, and he concluded he had not  _ once  _ regretted healing Dean. 

He’d heal Dean over and over again, he’d heal him. He would use his very last breath to heal Dean if he had to, and he would do it happily to see that Dean was okay again. 

The feeling he had when he did that had started at the beginning.  _ From the first moment Castiel had laid a hand on Dean Winchester.  _

_ He’d healed Dean in Hell back then.  _

_ And he healed himself too.  _

Castiel was shocked Dean didn’t understand by now. It was the most obvious truth in their lives, and he still didn’t grasp it. 

“I don’t regret it,” he started, “I don’t take it back. I had to do it, Dean.” 

“What part of  _ priority _ doesn’t make sense to you, Cas? Healing me does nothing to help kill Billie! We need someone with actual powers to help Jack. We needed  _ you,  _ damn it!” Dean spit out, stress veins in his neck. 

“You  _ don’t  _ need me. You could always beat her on your own, as long as you had Sam, you always—“ 

Dean furrowed his eyebrows, “Don’t say Cas. Don’t say that you don’t matter, that you’re expendable. You’re  _ not!”  _

“I’m just an angel, Dean,” Castiel shook his head. 

“You’re  _ family!”  _ Dean yelled, chin shaking. He felt it coming. He felt it and he knew Cas felt it too. And he knew Cas was saying goodbye. 

That shook Cas. He knew Dean cared. He always did. Purgatory and the blossom was only the latest reminder of that. But deep down he always knew he cared. He knew he was family. 

“I may be to you,” he swallowed, “but I’m not part of the family that ends this story.” 

“What are you saying?” Dean’s panicked eyes flicked back and forth over sad blue. 

“My story ends  _ here.”  _

The  _ bang  _ from outside matched the exact second Dean’s heart broke. 

“Cas—“ 

Immediately, Castiel broke. With that one word, he did something he had never done before in his thousand year life span. Castiel  _ cried _ . 

His eye sockets burned as tears welled in his eyes for the first time ever. It was the first time, but it felt like Castiel had been crying for a while. Deep inside he knew this wasn’t the first time he’d felt this way. It was just the first time it showed. 

Pain was etched throughout his face, “You've fought for this  _ whole world _ . You don’t have to fight for me too.” 

“We need you,” Dean whispered, feeling his own eyes swell and his vision blur with his tears. His whole chest hurt at the tone this conversation had taken. The pain he felt at seeing Castiel like this was nothing compared to his injury before. 

“For this last time, yes. But not after that,” Castiel’s cheek burned with the path of his tears. 

“Cas, you can’t—“ 

Castiel ignored him, “There’s a spell, an incantation that will… blow me up, basically,” Dean shook his head, “when she comes in, I’m going to say it, and you’re going to run.” 

“ _ Cas, no!”  _

“Promise me you’ll run, Dean! Please!” Castiel cried harder. 

“I can’t leave you, Cas!” Dean grabbed his shoulders over the trenchcoat, shaking him a little. He didn’t know what he was trying to do, maybe shake Castiel back to reason or ground himself back to sanity. Dean felt his control of the situation slipping away. His eyes stung with salt. 

Castiel grabbed him back, his right hand on Dean’s left shoulder. The touch felt familiar, like it always did, because it was  _ theirs.  _ It was the forbidden touch that started it all and for Cas, it was like coming home. 

“You won’t be. You’ll be  _ honoring  _ me.” Castiel nodded sadly. 

In a moment of selfishness, Dean pressed their bodies together, hugging the angel, trying to feel his concrete person one last time. He pinched his eyes shut, telling his brain  _ remember this, remember this, remember this. Never forget this, please _ . 

Castiel closed his eyes, breathing in Dean. He needed to make sure he’d be okay after he was gone. 

“When this is over,” he sniffled, “promise me you’ll fight for yourself too, Dean.” 

Dean would promise anything at this moment. He’d promise the world to Castiel. He’d promise his  _ life.  _ He just wanted Castiel to be okay. 

He reeled back a bit from the hug, faces only inches apart, “I will. I promise,” he rasped, chin shaking with his crying. 

Castiel nodded, satisfied. “Promise you’ll finish what we started.” 

Dean’s eyebrows furrowed again, he blinked a few tears out.  _ What they started?  _

“I don’t—“ but with the way Castiel was looking at him, staring right into his soul, like it was the first time they met, he suddenly understood. 

A decade before, a lowly angel had been chosen for the most important job in the history of the universe. That angel was tasked to save a man, just a man, who’d one day help bring destruction. The plan was on track, until the angel touched the man. And the man was touched by the angel. And the bond was formed, solidified. And a new track was created. 

And in a sense, the man and the angel, well… they broke the universe. They broke free. And they started everything anew. 

And now one of them was tasked to finish it. 

The angel who started the new fate of the universe, and the man who would complete it. 

Held each other one last time. 

“Without you—“ Dean bit out.

“ _ Promise.”  _ Castiel whispered. 

Dean shut his eyes, chest burning, he sobbed. “I promise, Cas. I do.” 

Castiel brought his clean hand to Dean’s neck, not willing to tear his right palm from its rightful place on Dean’s shoulder. He brushed his fingers on Dean’s skin, feeling his heartbeat, the wisps of hair on the back of his neck. He took it all in. 

Dean’s pained green eyes, the same ones as the decade before, spoke volumes into his blue ones. They held a silent goodbye. 

Castiel pursed his lips, tears stopping now, and he nodded at Dean. 

“Thank you,” he said, meaning his promise and everything else. He thanked Dean for his existence above it all. He thanked Dean for setting him free. 

Dean stuttered on his breath, fresh tears welling at a gratitude he thought he didn’t deserve. He was  _ killing  _ him. 

Then he replied with his whole chest, with every ounce of feeling he could, “I’m  _ sorry _ .” 

Castiel’s lips turned up in a small smile, probably his last one. He looked at the beautiful man in front of him, and he thought:  _ To hell with it _ . 

He pressed his grinning wet lips to Dean’s just slightly, just barely. It was a peck, a pressing feather kiss. A  _ touch _ . 

He reeled back, head spinning, feeling for once in his life  _ victorious _ . It was all worth it in the end. 

Dean was starstruck. He was in the pits of Hell and in the clouds of Heaven all at once. 

“I’m not,” Castiel declared. 

It was the one thing that needed saying between them. And Castiel said it just in time. 

When a gust of wind burst the door open, rattling the shelves, he gave Dean one last apologetic look, and he pushed him away. Dean stumbled back, face in complete shock and hurt and yet understanding on a level only he could. 

When Dean’s back hit the wall behind him, his eyes met Castiel’s. Dirty trenchcoat, slightly crooked blue tie, fine black hair, pained wise blue eyes, like the ocean in a storm. The beautiful face of his best friend. His family. His savior. 

Castiel closed his eyes and whispered the incantation quickly, Dean caught some Enochian from against the wall where he stood paralyzed. 

Castiel’s eyes snapped open. Blue met green and he smiled sadly. A scepter was halfway in the door when Castiel gave his final, graceful bow. He spoke clearly and lovingly at the broken man in front of him, who still had a long road to travel; who still had fight and fire in his heart.

He spoke like it was hello. 

“Goodbye, Dean.” 

**Author's Note:**

> *edited in after watching 15x18* 
> 
> YALL   
> WHAT THE FUCKITY FUCK 
> 
> EYEYEYEYEYDJXNSAHKDFJKSB
> 
> My life is not real 0_0 
> 
> it’s actually canon. It. It is. We did it. We won. After more than a decade we WON. 
> 
> And I am psychic apparently because I predicted it too similarly.... like fr I imagined/dreamed it almost exactly how it played out wtffffff 
> 
> I feel like my job here is done. Idk if I’m going to write any more Destiel fics... prob not.... unless I feel like it, I think this is my last one for the boys. Thank you for the love on it <3 and on my other Deancas fics, I had a blast writing them all. Ill leave them alone (for) now. I’ve done my duty. It’s time I bow out with the Destiel like Cas. 
> 
> And to Cas.... although we did it almost the same, I gotta say your speech was much better dude. I love you. So so much. 
> 
> And please don’t forget to comment what your thoughts on the confession and the ep was!!!


End file.
